Unlovable
by cece1090
Summary: Unlovable, that's what we were. For some odd reason, the lie is always easier to believe than the truth, because the truth is what destroys everything. The truth makes us see ourselves as we see ourselves in the mirror. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I own nothing of Twilight.

His eyes bore into mine as I silently pleaded for his forgiveness and mercy. He was my only salvation, my only need and I now needed him more than ever. Could he not see how much I loved him? Or was I always kidding myself on that? Love, so easy to say and yet so hard to actually live out. I honestly believe that I love him, how much I was capable of actually loving someone that is.

He was everything to me and even when we went our separate ways, I secretly never stopped needing him. He was my air and my oxygen, without him life did not exist. I could practically feel the life drain out of my body standing here pleading into his cold eyes.

When my brother and I were burning at the stake, he was our savior. Aro always had a secret agenda about us, but I knew that I could always love HIM even though I knew Aro never truly cared about us in the first place. He and Aro argued for a long time on the fact that we were just children. That I was just a child.

And he was right. Alec and I were never going to grow up; we were always doomed to be in our young age for all eternity. Well eternity was looking quite grim now actually. It all started with a girl, a beautiful bronzed-hair, half-breed girl.

And it ended with a girl.

Alec and I had lived for the Volturri for nearly four decades when someone showed up and changed everything. She was the only daughter Edward and Bella Cullen, the girl who we tried to assassinate many years prior. She was now running to us in an escape from her overbearing family.

Of course Aro saw the girl as an opportunity and decided to take it. He commanded Alec and I to do whatever in our power to get her to stay. It all started out as a game but it all ended in the inevitable tragedy. I should have known better than to play with fate.

I had a rather difficult time of befriending the young girl as I was commanded to, but Alec had no problem using his flirtatious skills upon her. He expressively told me that she was nothing to him but a half-breed and he was only doing his job, but I knew better.

I saw the way he looked at her, the way his eyes lit up every time she touched him. It was sickening. To any normal observers, they looked to be young and in love, but I knew better. I knew she had fallen hard for him by the way she reacted when he entered the room.

All of his time was consumed with Renessmee and Renessmee only. She was his mate and I was only his sister. And no, I never saw anything or felt anything beyond us being siblings, I did feel betrayed. The way he kissed her in the moonlight, the way he danced with her awe, the way they ran hand in hand down the corridors laughing all while reminded me or someone I used to know a long time ago. Someone I had sworn to forget. Someone that I had loved. Stephan.

I can still remember how he smelled, like salt and the sea. He was everything I loved and needed and we too had those moments of love. Every time I saw Alec and Nessie, I also could see Stephan and me and slowly I could feel my heart ripping apart again. He was the only light in my darkness, aside from Alec. He gave me peace and hope. I loved him more than anything in the world.

When I was burning, I saw his face. A face of disgust and hate. He believed the lies too. My brother and I were nothing but evil vermin to them and deserved to be killed. After all, they were doing God's will. I saw Stephan once after that. He was a man by then who had married a woman that bored him children, the children that should have been mine.

Life is hard. Of course when HE showed up though, he helped eliminate that pain. I finally believed that maybe I could heal, could heal from all the pain that so many afflicted on me. The hope was overwhelming as I slowly realized that maybe my heart could start to thaw, that maybe I could have a heart at the end of it all.

How stupid was I.

I should have known better than to believe the lie. But the lie was so much sweeter and I craved hearing that I could be different than the heartless monster I was. That maybe I could be Jane again. That maybe I could be human again.

I should have known better.

Of course Alec was no different than I. Renessmee brought him a hope that he hadn't felt since HE left us, left us here to rot. No, she gave him hope that he could be a better man than who he was. He so easily bought the lie, partly because she really believed the lie herself. The only problem was that she was talking to Alec.

Hope was a lie.

Hope did not exist in our world.

Hope was dead.

I pleaded with Alec to listen to reason as to why the girl needed to leave. She was only going to break his heart more and soon enough after, there wouldn't be anything left it, or Alec. But he did not listen to me and did no listen to reason and for his penance, he received total and complete heartbreak.

Renessmee led him to believe that he could stand up for himself, that he was a good man. She led him to believe that he had a shot of true love and deserved to be loved. She led him to believe that he could have hope and life again and how beautiful life would be for him. He believed all the lies and it became the end for him.

Of course she believed he was a good man until she found out that their whole relationship started on a lie. So therefore to her, everything she shared with him was a lie. She had promised to love him to the end. She had promised to stay with him.

She promised.

Promises mean nothing in our world.

He also promised to love us, to never leave us.

He lied.

And just like everyone else, she left. She left so fast that not even I could say goodbye. I will never forget the brokenness in my brother's eyes that night. He was distraught. I'll never forget that night period.

"_Alec, listen to me, this won't bring her back! She left and she's never coming back! Understand? This is foolish!" I scream at my broken brother._

"_If I do this, then she'll know that I truly loved her." Is all he responds._

"_Love! You don't even know what it means anymore Alec! We cannot love, we're monsters remember." I spit out at him. "Doing this isn't going to do anything. Am I not enough? You're the only thing I have left. Why am I not enough for you?" I finish my voice now broken as I crumble to the floor next to him. _

He never listened to reasoning then either. It was always the same. I was not enough for him and could never be, just as I am realizing that I will never be enough for HIM either.

He stares at me with a cold expression on his face and I know his mind has already been made up. If there was one thing I could change in my life, it would be the burning. I truly and honestly wish I had burned that night and that no one would have saved me.

At the time I didn't know what I wanted for myself but I knew it was never this. HE was my last hope, my last salvation, my last….everything. I saw the very expression on his face that I had seen on Stephan nearly four decades ago, disgust and hate.

"I remember that there was once a time where you called me daughter." I say softly now avoiding his gaze.

"That was a long time ago Jane." Is all HE says coldly.

"There was also a time where you promised to love me." I say even more softly.

There was a deadening pause in the air. He was thinking of his promise. Maybe just maybe he would forgive me tonight.

"Haven't I told you this before Jane… You're unlovable." Is his reply.

His words hit my chest like a ton of brinks and suddenly I feel as if I'm suffocating. I always knew he believed this. I always knew this was the truth, but I always listened to lie.

That sweet, unadulterated lie.

But that's exactly what it was: a lie.

I straightened myself and looked directly into his gold, heartless eyes. So this is how it would all end. I really should have burned.

"Well then Carlisle, when you tell your little Nessie that Alec died…make sure you say it was suicide. Father." I spit the last word out with revulsion as I stalk out of the room.

The screaming cries of pain pass my ear as I hear Nessie hitting the floor in brokenness. It all started with a girl, a blonde-blue eyed girl.

And it ended with a girl, a broken heart and a shattered soul.

'_Unlovable, that's what we were.' _

So tell me what you think.


End file.
